Choosing Your Psychotherapist
Reaching out to a psychotherapist takes courage. Don’t underestimate the strength required to contact a complete stranger and share some of the most private parts of your life with them. In consultations people frequently say, “I’ve never done this before.” My response is always the same: “That’s okay – you are not alone.”
Some people transition into psychotherapy more easily than others. Some arrive ready to talk and share; others need time to build trust before opening up about deeper experiences, emotions, or memories. Wherever you are on that spectrum is exactly where you’re supposed to be when you show up for a consultation or a session.
A very important step in having a successful therapeutic experience is finding the right therapist for yourself. I encourage people to reach out to at least a couple of psychotherapists—sometimes several—until they find the connection, style, and personality that feel is right for them. Some individuals know immediately what type of therapist they’re looking for; others need to explore and discover what resonates. This process of choosing a psychotherapist is a meaningful one, and it’s part of the work itself.
Where to Begin Your Search
Websites like Psychology Today can be a helpful starting point. You can search for therapists by location, province, specialty, or approach. Most therapists are only permitted to work with clients located within their own province, so that’s something to keep in mind.
These days, we’re fortunate to have the choice between in-person and online psychotherapy in Ontario. When COVID happened, I moved my practice online and never returned to a traditional office space (outside of my SoundGarden studio). What I’ve discovered is that many people now prefer online sessions simply because of the convenience. However, others still appreciate the energy of meeting someone in person. There’s no right or wrong—just what feels best for you.
Finding the Right Fit Matters More Than the Modality
Whether you prefer online or in-person sessions, the most important factor is the connection between you and the psychotherapist or councilor. Some people look for a therapist who shares similar values, spiritual beliefs, cultural background or approaches. Others intentionally look for someone very different to gain an different perspective. For example, I’m a spiritual psychotherapist. Many individuals contact me specifically because they’re drawn to the holistic aspect of my work. That said, I’ve also been contacted by people who want to work with someone completely different from themselves. Both approaches have merit and are a part of finding the right therapist for your needs. Remember, you are creating a therapeutic relationship and the goal is to feel comfortable with who you work with. That said, if you are working on something specific like complex trauma, addictions, phobia’s, eating disorders etc make finding a therapist, who specializes in that area, a priority.
Questions to Ask During a Consultation
Your consultation is an opportunity for you to assess whether the therapist feels like a good match for you. Here are some questions that can help guide the conversation:
How long have you been in practice?
What do you specialize in?
What type of individuals do you enjoy working with?
What modalities do you use, and how do you work with them?
How would you approach my circumstance if I were your client?
What is the cost per session?
What is your availability?
Availability matters. Some therapists work evenings or weekends; others do not. If your schedule is likely to change, you may want to ensure your therapist offers a range of hours so your work together can continue without interruption.
If a therapist’s rate is higher than your budget, it’s perfectly reasonable to ask whether they offer a sliding scale. Some do; some don’t. Asking for what you need is part of the therapeutic process.
Therapy Isn’t Only for “Rock Bottom” Moments
People often seek therapy when something feels unbearable, painful, or overwhelming—when the discomfort of life is greater than the discomfort of asking for help. Yet, therapy is not just for those moments. It’s also for people who want to understand themselves more, be a better person to just desire to continue to grow overall. Therapy is also be a place for ongoing reflection—checking in, gaining clarity, and deepening self-awareness.
Many clients begin with weekly sessions, then move to biweekly, monthly, or seasonal check-ins once they feel more grounded. Maintaining some form of connection can be incredibly valuable and productive.
Talking Outside Your Inner Circle Matters
After many years of facilitating groups, I believe strongly that everyone benefits from having a space outside their inner circle where they can speak openly about their thoughts, feelings, and life experiences.
Friends and family may be supportive, but they’re also emotionally invested—and that can influence how they respond to you. A psychotherapist brings a different kind of presence: one that is trained, impartial, and focused solely on you and your process.
Follow Your Intuition
In my opinion, intuition plays the biggest role in choosing a psychotherapist. It is completely normal to feel uncomfortable when seeking therapy—most people are. But when you move through that initial discomfort and build a professional relationship, it can become one of the most deeply supportive and meaningful experiences of your life.
And remember:
You are not obligated to stay with the first therapist you meet.
If, after a few sessions, something doesn’t feel aligned, it is okay to move on. However, before you make that decision, I encourage you to have a conversation with the therapist. That moment of honesty can build trust, clarify misunderstandings, and sometimes strengthen the therapeutic relationship in a way that ultimately benefits you.
Some clients work with different therapists at various stages of life. Others choose to stay with one therapist long-term. There is no single correct path—only the one that best supports you.
A Final Word
Wherever you are on your journey, I wish you all the best in finding the person who feels right for you. Reaching out for therapy is an act of courage and self-care. Trust your process. Trust your timing. And most importantly—trust yourself.